invisible illness

I can walk and talk without a problem and you cannot see a scar so I am "fine", I look like everyone else (just grotesquely thin because my method of coping is controlling my food and exercising) but the problem is that i am not fine and I have not been for quite a while. To further complicate things my struggles did not begin after my surgery (no that would be too easy as it would be an identifiable cause), rather my struggles have slowly progressed throughout my life but definitely progressed particularly fast over the past 5 years....I am not who I used to be, It is not like i was ever normal but I was better....I wasn't always so tired, easily overstimulated, overwhelmed, unfocused... I am also not the clinician that I used to be, I find it a lot more difficult to "think on my feet", improvise, and engage like I used to which is really frustrating...on a positive note, my analytical skills have improved and I just know that a career in research would be a perfect fit for me now but I worry that I missed the boat on academia by not pursuing my phd right away.