A Crazy But Good Week

Well a lot of things have been going on since my last past (all positive thank goodness!). It all started when I went in for my routine 3-day blood work ultrasound and found out that I had several follicles that were large enough for us to go ahead with the Intrauterine Insemination (IUI). I have to admit I was pretty shocked, it feels like I have been doing these injections forever without anything happening so I was delighted with the news that we could finally take the next step. So Monday and Tuesday mornings I went in for IUIs and they were actually not too bad. So now that the IUIs are over I am now experiencing the dreaded 2 week wait (2WW) and although it has only been a few days so far, it seems like an eternity. I know that it is highly unlikely that the IUIs will be successful on the first go around but I am trying me best to stay positive and hope for the best.

On another note, one of the companies that I am currently working for has really gone above and beyond and have figured out a way to give me a full-time position with health insurance. Yeah, I will be taking a pay cut BUT I will be working with a single company closer to my home that will be a lot less stressful than my current situation and I will have health insurance that abides by the Connecticut Infertility Mandate (details of which can be found here. My current insurance under my husband's company found a wonderful little loophole when it come to the state mandate; specifically, since they chose to have a self-insured plan they do not need to follow the state mandate. Luckily, the company that I will now be working with is Full Insured and does follow the state mandate. Of course I am hoping that they IUIs worked this first time around but it is nice to know that I will have coverage if they do not.  I am hoping both of these pieces of good news are a sign of great things to come and will continue praying.

A little background

Now that I have kind of jumped ahead to vent some of my worries, I think I should take a step back and give a little background information on my wonderful little infertility journey thus far.  I guess it all started in January 2014 when I stopped taking my birth control and did not get my period.  I decided to wait a bit and see if it would eventually come and after about 4-5 months and still nothing I called up my gynecologist to see what she thought. She prescribed me some clomid but when that did not work she referred me to a local infertility doctor. I have to admit all of this was really kind of scary...how could this be happening? All of my friends are popping out kids like crazy! Anyhow, I met with the infertility doctor and she diagnosed me with Hypothalamic Amenorrhea which was really not that much of surprise given my long history with an eating disorder, low body weight, relatively restricted diet, and compulsive need to exercise. Before I could start any type of treatment both my husband and I had to go through a bunch of tests to make sure that we did not have any other  fertility issues.  After all of the tests came back negative my doctor informed me of my treatment protocol: Menopur injections and IUI (intrauterine insemination). I agreed to begin the treatment protocol and called my insurance company's pharmacy to schedule the delivery of medication (this was probably around November in 2014) and when the insurance company informed me that I had a lifetime maximum of $10,000 for infertility treatments (which was down to about $8,000 after all of the preliminary infertility tests) would be down to $7,000 after my first round of prescriptions which in addition to 10 vials of menopur also included crinone and estrodial which I would use after the menopur induced ovulation. I am not sure why but upon hearing this information about the extreme cost of the meds and coming to grips with the reality of having to inject myself I kind of had a panic attack and cancelled the delivery. I called my doctor and informed her that before I decided to start the treatment protocol I wanted to meet with a nutritionist and see if gaining a few pounds may help me to start ovulating naturally before starting the meds. She was completely supportive of my decision and let me know that we could start the meds and protocol if I  changed me mind. I met with the nutritionist and was able to gain some weight but alas I did not start ovulating so I called my doctor and began my treatment cycle in May. The whole idea of injecting myself still REALLY freaked me out so I handed over the responsibility to my husband (who has been incredibly supportive throughout this entire ordeal which is absolutely no surprise to anyone who has ever met him because he is the most giving and kind person you can imagine.)  

So now I am now in the routine that anyone undergoing infertility treatments is all too familiar with (injections every night and then ultrasounds and blood work every three days) and well with my I would go to my doctor every three days and upon noticing no real change in my estrogen levels my menopur dosage would be increased. I started off with 1/2 a vial, then 1 vial, then 1.5 vials, and the 2 vials. With the 2 vials we did begin to see the lining of my uterus thickening (a good sign) but the doctor also noticed two growths in my uterus (NOT a good sign) and upon noticing these two growths I was instructed to stop my injections so that we could figure out what was going on. A saline sonogram revealed that there were in fact two growths in my uterus (likely polyps) that should really be removed before we resume my cycle in order to make sure that they do not interfere with a possible pregnancy down the road. I scheduled my surgery for ASAP so that I could get this taken care of and resume my injections with wasting any more time than necessary.  The surgery was nothing bad at all, I was knocked out before the ever wheeled me into the operating room and I had minimal to no discomfort following the surgery; in fact, I was able to go for a walk with my husband and dog later that day (speaking of which, daily walks have really been a saving grace for me and have helped clear my head and get some vitamin D and serotonin which both help in keeping my depression to a minimum but I can talk more about that later).  As for the polyps, it turns out that they were fibroids and not polyps but regardless of what they were, they were now gone and I was given the green light to begin a new cycle. Yes you read the correctly, not resume  my cycle but start ALL over again. I have to say this was REALLY frustrating,  after 2-3 weeks of injecting myself (at $80 a vial) I had to start the entire process all over again at 1/2 a vial and then steadily increasing. This now brings us to where I currently am in this cycle, I am now taking 2.5 vials a day and while  my estrogen levels are still quiet low I do have a follicle in each of my ovaries that is looking a little larger than the others (I will report back with the exact size after my ultrasound tomorrow morning).

That is a quick overview of my infertility treatments thus far and my next entry will likely be on the topic that causes me the most stress and sleepless nights : finances.

Happy Fourth of July!

Intro

In an article about ways to relieves stress while dealing with infertility on the bump.com I read that journaling is a great tool; therefore, I am going to start writing here to kind of vent the craziness that is going on inside my head and keeping me up at night.  I really do not care if anyone reads this or not, I think I really just need to journal all my worries as a way to try and save my sanity.

So let's see...where to start...there are just so many things whirling around in my head that it is difficult to pinpoint where to start so I guess I will start with a quick list of the major stressors and then elaborate on them moving forward.

List of worries

1. Being several years older than I planned on being when I had my first child (I am now 30 and planned on having my first kid when I was 27).
2. Every single one of my friends having at least one kid and now beginning to all have their second child

• all of the showers and baptisms that come along with all of the pregnancies
• the non stop talk about their child.

I feel I need to take a break hear and clarify that I really am happy for them and their blessings and totally understand that their wonderful children are the centers of their universe at moment. It is just so hard when I am going through all of these extra steps (and all of the emotional and financial strain that comes along with that) just trying to get pregnant.

3. The pitiful health insurance provided by my husband's company that only covers $10,000 lifetime for infertility treatments and just to put that number in perspective the average cost of an IVF cycle is $12,400 according to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.

4. Being off of my antidepressant and ADD medication for 18 months now which has just amplified all the depression and anxiety that come along and have also negatively impacted my ability to perform the duties of my job at the level that I know I am capable of.

5. Working two part-time jobs and desperately searching for a full-time job in hopes of getting decent health insurance, even if it means take two steps back in my career and working for half of the amount of money that I am currently making. 

6. The fact that all of my infertility issues are 100% my fault (I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 14) and continue to struggle to this day with trying to gain the necessary weight. 

7. In an attempt to save some money for my extremely expensive medication (my menopur is $80/vial and I am currently on 2.5 vials a day but that has steadily been increasing when I go to my doctor to get blood work done and my ultrasounds) I ordered $15 vials of generic menopur from IVFmeds.com only to discover that I ordered the intramuscular medication rather than the subcutaneous medication that I have been prescribed. I called IVFmeds but since it is the weekend I have not heard back from them....best case scenario I pay an extra $100-200 to exchange the meds (shipping if $50 each way and the difference in the medication prices will probably be around $50-100).

So those are my major concerns at the moment and I apologize for kind of being all of the place (I warned you that I am off of my ADD meds) but I plan on writing entries for each of my worries that will hopefully clarify t my experience thus far with my particular infertility issues as well as my treatment.