I can't do this

AM
I can't do this. I am a miserable, cold, zombie. I can't be a mom, I love my daughter, I want to be involved and happy and enjoy her wonderful smile. I just feel paralyzed, this time of year is incredibly difficult for me and now I am stuck in this old dusty house freezing. The only thing that calms my mind is walking and running outside but now it is so damn cold that my face hurts and I just cannot psyche myself up to go outside. i feel guilty about not cleaning up the house, about feeling like a zombie and not being there for my wonderful little girl...

Upon making my Autism - Eating Disorder connection (e.g. restricting intake and going nuts with exercise out of a need for control and sameness) and myself  I have learned a lot about myself in the past few months. Specifically,  I struggle with

• 
  
• unexpected changes
• anxiety
•  loud noises
• social situations, especially small talk
• executive functioning
• cognitive flexibility
• planning
• organizing
• multi tasking

On a positive note, I can hyperfocus on topics of interest and find peace in routines.

PM
Feeling a little better now, and well there is one thing that I can do...document. Since I love researching and it is something that has always calmed me I have been doing quite a bit of research on this whole arachnoid cyst thing and well it apparently is not exactly common...especially in females and on the right temporal side. I have also read a bunch of links to anxiety, adhd, and depression....which considering my diagnoses of anxiety, adhd, and depression makes this an interesting area of interest. So if there is nothing else that I can do, at least I can document my story. With that said the following is my CT Brain Scan report:

FINDINGS: There is a 4.2 x 3.8 x 5.7 cm CSF attenuation anterior right temporal lesion.

This does not appear to represent a typical arachnoid cyst as there appears to be small

amounts of brain tissue along the periphery of the lesion and there are small marginal

calcifications. Remaining brain is unremarkable. No intracanal hemorrhage, acute

cortical infarction. Ventricles nondilated. Basal cisterns preserved. No extra axial

collection. Osseous structures intact.

I am getting an EEG and MRI this week and will report back my results.