Intro

In an article about ways to relieves stress while dealing with infertility on the bump.com I read that journaling is a great tool; therefore, I am going to start writing here to kind of vent the craziness that is going on inside my head and keeping me up at night.  I really do not care if anyone reads this or not, I think I really just need to journal all my worries as a way to try and save my sanity.

So let's see...where to start...there are just so many things whirling around in my head that it is difficult to pinpoint where to start so I guess I will start with a quick list of the major stressors and then elaborate on them moving forward.

List of worries

1. Being several years older than I planned on being when I had my first child (I am now 30 and planned on having my first kid when I was 27).
2. Every single one of my friends having at least one kid and now beginning to all have their second child

• all of the showers and baptisms that come along with all of the pregnancies
• the non stop talk about their child.

I feel I need to take a break hear and clarify that I really am happy for them and their blessings and totally understand that their wonderful children are the centers of their universe at moment. It is just so hard when I am going through all of these extra steps (and all of the emotional and financial strain that comes along with that) just trying to get pregnant.

3. The pitiful health insurance provided by my husband's company that only covers $10,000 lifetime for infertility treatments and just to put that number in perspective the average cost of an IVF cycle is $12,400 according to the American Society of Reproductive Medicine.

4. Being off of my antidepressant and ADD medication for 18 months now which has just amplified all the depression and anxiety that come along and have also negatively impacted my ability to perform the duties of my job at the level that I know I am capable of.

5. Working two part-time jobs and desperately searching for a full-time job in hopes of getting decent health insurance, even if it means take two steps back in my career and working for half of the amount of money that I am currently making. 

6. The fact that all of my infertility issues are 100% my fault (I have struggled with an eating disorder since I was 14) and continue to struggle to this day with trying to gain the necessary weight. 

7. In an attempt to save some money for my extremely expensive medication (my menopur is $80/vial and I am currently on 2.5 vials a day but that has steadily been increasing when I go to my doctor to get blood work done and my ultrasounds) I ordered $15 vials of generic menopur from IVFmeds.com only to discover that I ordered the intramuscular medication rather than the subcutaneous medication that I have been prescribed. I called IVFmeds but since it is the weekend I have not heard back from them....best case scenario I pay an extra $100-200 to exchange the meds (shipping if $50 each way and the difference in the medication prices will probably be around $50-100).

So those are my major concerns at the moment and I apologize for kind of being all of the place (I warned you that I am off of my ADD meds) but I plan on writing entries for each of my worries that will hopefully clarify t my experience thus far with my particular infertility issues as well as my treatment.